Christian Dating Pt5: What Does the Bible Say About a True Christian Man or Christian Woman?

How often have we seen a friend fall in love? They are so excited. We are excited for them. As singles, we congratulate each other when we find someone to date. We assume that everyone we start to date is the ‘right one.’ We hope for a match was made in heaven. Then, the couple are married and within months something sours.

What happens is simple. We put God’s word aside as we meet our own need for a relationship, our fear of being alone, our need for financial security, or our fear of dealing with our own baggage. The last one is the most devastating to a relationship. It makes us change and compromise, as long as the other person makes us feel good about ourselves, just the way we are. This doesn’t mean the others are less devastating. How many Christian women are married to men whom God never chose for them because they feared poverty, being a single mother, or loneliness?

I had a friend who learned the hard way that she needed to take care of her problems before she entered a relationship. She said that her greatest regret in life was losing a good Christian man because her anger toward her ex drove him away. She didn’t vent or complain. But, the little things she did, or wouldn’t accept because they hurt her, or tiny things she reacted to that he did without thinking – all of these drove him away.

I told my daughter that she needs to marry a Christian because non-Christians think different. They may be a good person, but those little selfish, self centered, or hurtful things build up over time and will change the person you are.

“One little hurt is nothing to pay attention to – but 1000 little hurts can destroy you.” I told my son this and it has caught on in our circle because it is profoundly true.

I explained it to my daughter this way. “Everything you do, every choice you make, and everything you experience will change who you are. It will change how you think. You cannot be wild in your teen years and expect to be compatible with a good Christian man when you are in your twenties. He will not understand you. You will not understand him. You will no longer be attracted to him. He will have one set of rules to live by, and you will have another. Even if you know this man will be a perfect husband, you will not know how to build a relationship with him.”

It didn’t take my daughter long to learn the truth of this statement. I spoke from experience. After my divorce I ended up in a very bad relationship. I looked through eyes tainted with anger and disappointment. I didn’t give God time to teach me what true love was. I picked a man whom met all my criteria for a good Christian, which fell far short of God’s. And, I was married to this man for about 5 years before I learned that I did not meet the criteria for a good Christian. It wasn’t until after this marriage failed that I was willing to let God take a hold of me and cut away all the selfishness, hurt, self-centered desires, and personal wants.

I also learned more about love. The bible is very specific when it describes what love is. It clearly defines what love looks like. There is no doubt. God even puts a check list for Christian Singles in Corinthians.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)
Go through this list. Does this describe you? Do not look at what you think you are, or what others think of you. Instead – what have you done in the past that shows you understand what love is.

Love is patient
- Have you been patient enough to care for people who needed help – without receiving compensation? Have you learned to put up with someone else’s bad habits and quirks without complaining or expecting them to change?

Love is Kind

- What kindness have you show people. Only count the times when the person was unable to repay the kindness. Do you take care of people who are sick? In a relationship, do you step aside and meet the needs of others?

Love does not envy
- In any relationship it is hard not to envy but few of us recognize it. How many times have we heard men say that women are lucky that they stay home? How many times have we heard women complain because they want more money for groceries? Did you want to go to school but stayed home to take care of the children? List your regrets. Do you regret quitting your job, or moving because your spouse was promoted? A regret is born from envy.

Love does not boast
- Boasting is hard to recognize. When we put our needs over another and just expect them to deal with it, then we are boasting. Have you put yourself above your spouse? We all have. Do you gossip about it? This is also a form of boasting.

Love is not proud
- There are many forms of pride that destroy relationships. A man can be too proud to love a woman. A woman can be too proud to submit (respect) a man. A person can be too proud to forgive, or to take time to show the others in their life kindness and compassion.

Love is not rude
- Respect is rarely found in today’s relationships. We are so full of hurts and pain, disappointment and rejection. In fact, in today’s society it has almost become commonplace to be rude to your spouse.

Love is not Self Seeking
- What do you want from your relationship? How far will you go to get it? Unrealistic expectations are the true root of most couple’s pain and disappointment – not the other person.

Love is not Angered
- Anger is born from un-forgiveness and self-seeking. It is born from someone else not acting or doing what we want them to do. We rarely care why they didn’t do it. We do not care about their feelings. In fact, when we lose our temper we want to hurt the other person.

Love forgives
- This is above all the most important. Forgiveness is not passive. It does not remember wrongs. How many times have you thrown a past wrong at a spouse while in the middle of an argument?

In fact, if you go through this list, you’ll find that every argument is born from several things on this list. What is important for Single Christians is to understand that God said “You will know they are Christians by their love.” If a person does not display these traits – they are not a Christian.

Compare the person you are dating to this list. Did they pass? If not, are you willing to follow God’s way – or do you want to try again, following your own?

Christian Dating Part1: What Does The Bible Say?

Christian Dating Part2:Is Your Date a Real Christian?

Christian Dating Part3: Painful Relationships – UnGodly Soul Ties

Christian Dating Part4: Do Not Be Unequally Yoked”

Christian Dating Part5: What is a True Christian? What is True Love?

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